July 27, 2008
Chris Strevel

A lie has settled over our society like the pallor of approaching death, a lie of such proportions that it is doubtful whether we shall recover. It is not a political conspiracy, economic fraud, or evolutionary myth. If only the roots of this lie were as easy to expose and pull up. This lie makes fools of parents, exposes preachers as cowards and frauds, and sounds the stroke of doom upon our social institutions. Remarkably, no attempt is made to conceal this lie. Those who utter it do so quite brazenly. It is a lie for which our Savior said there is only one remedy – the death penalty.

I am speaking of the idea that the fifth commandment, “Honor your father and mother,” has an age limit. That reaching twenty-one, or eighteen, or forty-five is a license to disobey and dishonor one’s parents, to do what one wants regardless of their counsel and wishes. I have heard some shocking examples of this lie. A local preacher, when confronted that a young man attending his congregation was pursuing an ill-advised marriage against his parents’ express command, said, “He is twenty-one; he can do what he wishes.” Several parents of whom I have been made aware have refused to stop unmarried children living under their very roof from committing fornication with the excuse, “They are twenty-one; they can do what they wish.” Nothing, I mean nothing, strikes more at the authority of the living God, the clarity of the Bible, and the very foundations of human society than such acquiescence to rebellion. Everyone who thinks that the fifth commandment has an age limit strikes at the very throne of God with the arrogance of hell itself. And its fires are consuming us.

The fifth commandment is taught on virtually every page of the Bible. Some of the most notable instances are the negative examples: Jacob’s sons, Eli’s sons, the children of Israel in their relationship to God as their Father, even David’s sons. In every instance, tragedy and misery followed in the wake of children, older children, and adult children dishonoring and disobeying their parents. It is also taught positively – the book of Proverbs is written to children to encourage obedience to parents as the deciding factor in the sort of life a man will enjoy – blessed or cursed. But there is another passage, one that utterly refutes the idea that there is an age limit to the fifth commandment.

It is found in the gospels; I will use Mark 7. As usual, we find the leaders of apostate Judaism persecuting the Son of God. The Pharisees were castigating Jesus for his failure to follow their manmade religious traditions, i.e., holy washings. Jesus turned the tables. He called them hypocrites. Here they were complaining that he did not wash his hands before dinner while they are guilty of breaking the fifth commandment. As we move forward, remember that one had to be at least thirty to become a Pharisee. How can a thirty-year old break the fifth commandment? Jesus tells us. The Pharisees refused to honor their parents by caring for them and giving the filial honor required by God’s law. When their parents confronted them, they gave as their excuse that they were freed from obeying them because they had decided to “devote their lives to full-time religious service.” Jesus’ response: you deserve to die for breaking the fifth commandment. Case closed. The fifth commandment does not have an age limit.

Ah, you will say, but surely the parent-child relationship changes over time. Surely marriage ends the fifth-commandment responsibility of older, adult-aged children. One had to be married to be a Pharisee. Without a doubt, the specifics of obedience change with age and the establishment of a new household. Parents do not micromanage older children or spank them for not taking out the garbage. The fundamentals of obedience and honor, however, remain the same. Children of every age owe their parents honor and obedience, deference and submission. If they do not give it, according to Jesus Christ, they are breakers of the fifth commandment and deserving of death.

An older child wants to date or marry an individual. The parents have good reasons for withholding permission. The older child has the duty to honor his/her parents by breaking off the relationship. But what about personal feelings? Would you go to hell for making an idol of your feelings, your ill-advised romantic attachments? Would you have a hellish marriage? God promises you will, for he absolutely refuses to bless those who break the fifth commandment. An older child believes he should be given more freedom to come and go as he pleases. I am twenty-one, he says, and making my own money. I want to join the club. Dad says, “Son, I am happy with your desire to be more independent, but there are some very good reasons for maintaining accountability of your comings and goings. You need to have a specific reason to leave the house, go out with friends. You cannot grow in Christ if your attention is constantly diverted by the world, social activities, and entertainment.” What is the son’s responsibility at this point? To listen and obey. God is really testing him now. He has the strength and the means to resist his dad. Legally and physically, he can do as he wishes. He knows his friends will say that his father is a tyrant and that he should just blow him off. What does God say? Honor and obey your parents. Put your will under the will of those who stand in my place.

This is not the way we think today. Many parents respond to melancholy, disrespectful, and rebellious children by sending them off to college, thinking they will “grow up” and learn independence. Oh yes, most will learn it – independence from the God-ordained authority in their lives. Most parents today are utter cowards. They are afraid of losing their children. They themselves are not under God’s authority; gnawing guilt makes them unwilling to stand upon principle. I do not like it, many say, but if you are going to fornicate, do it here, in the home, where it is safe. Safe? More parents than you know are allowing brothels to flourish in their homes, all under the guise that an upstairs bedroom is safer than the backseat of a car or a friend’s house. Parents are leading contributors to the breaking of the fifth commandment. They deserve and expect no honor; they receive none. They have no standard of obedience; they can obtain none. They themselves are covenant breakers; their children follow in their footsteps.

Understand, child of God, that a society is doomed that despises and disregards God’s authority structure. Law begins in the home. If it not learned there, all the sermons in the world cannot root out rebellion. Modern society scoffs at authority. The last, bitter laugh is on it. Its marriages end with the speed of a thirty-minute sitcom. Political leaders, our civil fathers, are regularly mocked and disregarded. The Constitution is mangled because its supposed defenders were fed a youthful diet of the philosophy that rules are made to be broken. Thus, expedience and pragmatism rule. And in the church – O, how pitiable is the spectacle. Virtually every church that attempts even a modicum of discipline is laughed right off the corner. The response of preachers? You are twenty-one; you are in the club now; do what you want. Be fulfilled in doing what you think God wants you to do. I am not a preacher sent from God to proclaim his authoritative word; I am your friend. Your big brother. Your spiritual guru. One local, large, and satellite-savvy church refuses to confront fornicating singles for fear of driving them away. What a bitter, bitter pill we have swallowed – I am twenty-one. I can do what I want. Whatever your age, you cannot do whatever you want. You may only do what God wants, and he has made his will clear, very clear, painfully clear in his Word. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is just.

Yes, I know the usual excuses. I cannot control my older children. If I put my foot down, they will bolt. This is just a stage; they will come around. Unconditional love means that I must not judge. And my favorite: God has everyone walk a different path. No he does not. Rebellion is not a stage; it is a spiritual cancer. Unconditional love meant that God judged sin in Jesus Christ, so that the consequences of our lawbreaking might be forgiven and that we might be restored to faithful living by his grace. And bolt? They may. They sometimes do. The spirit of autonomy is pervasive and insidious in our society. Even children raised in Christian homes become statistics of rebellion. Sometimes, God’s covenant cuts and exposes before it heals and saves. But we cannot make excuses for countenancing rebellion. We must parent by principle, by faith, and by prayer.

I give you this encouragement, Christian children. The hounds of hell’s rebellion are braying all around you, I know. Plug your ears with God’s promises. You will be blessed if you will honor and obey your parents. This is an absolute promise. Read Proverbs. Pray Proverbs. Believe Proverbs. Trust that your heavenly Father is working through your parents, even though they are sinful and selfish, to accomplish his purposes in your life. And look at Jesus. He remained subject to his parents until he was thirty. And even on the cross, he kept the fifth commandment by making provision for his mother’s security after his departure to heaven. Should you do less? He will help you. Repent of your rebellion. Open your eyes to the consequences of rebellion. Pain, misery, inward guilt, broken hearts, and, most importantly, a dishonored God. Look to your future. The obedience you give today guarantees God’s richest blessings upon your life. Seek the grace of the Lord Jesus – not only the best child in the history of the world but also now the enthroned King who will help you walk in his footsteps. Whether you are twenty-one or fifty-one, honor your parents as you would honor your heavenly Father. If you would enjoy God’s blessing upon your life, you must refuse membership in the twenty-one club.

Christian parents, you will be vilified for seeking to uphold the authority of God in the lives of your older children. Society is against you. Most other parents are against you. If your child chooses to leave your home in rebellion, there are other parent-rebels willing to take your child in and coddle them. You may think you have no recourse. You do. First, you have a Savior who has plumbed the depths of suffering as a consequence of obedience to his Father. Run to him. Cast your cares upon him. Seek from him the strength to repent of your failings as a parent, the grace to remain steadfast, and the humility to accept the hardship he has seen fit to bring into your life. Second, believe God’s promises. He is fulfilling them. You may not see how, but he is. All thing work together for good to those who love God. Third, disinherit. Yes, disinherit. All Christian parents should make the disbursement of family assets dependent upon covenant faithfulness. Write this provision into your will. You may not honor those who dishonor you. If you do, you will be dishonoring God.

Being a parent is a solemn charge from the living God. Ultimately, you do not parent to win your children’s love but to honor your heavenly Father. This is perhaps the single most important principle of parenting. Your children do not belong to you, but to God, and he will have you raise and teach them in accordance with his word. Begin early. Show them that you are under authority by a consistent life of love and obedience to God. Picture a future blessed through obedience. Point out to them the bright lights of older children who are walking in obedience to God, the blessings they are enjoying, the peace of their families. If you practice appeasement parenting, allow yourself to be manipulated by your children, or establish a paradigm of compromise, you will contribute to your child’s demise, to his future membership in the twenty-one club. May our faithful God, our incomparable Father, have mercy upon us. May he preserve and protect our children, fulfill his purposes in their lives, and raise a generation that knows the blessings of submission to parental authority. The twenty-one club has no future. “He who refuses to obey his father or mother, the ravens of the valley will pluck out his eyes.”